I think that professor already dissuaded me from it.
[ it’s only then when he looks uncomfortable, a shade or two paler than usual. the memory of his and moriarty’s conversation is enough to make him relive the fear of it. ]
But if something happens to him—I won’t help. Everything that ends up happening to him from now on, he’ll deserve it.
[ there’s a slight edge to his voice, tinged with anger and hurt alike. ]
You told me you were trying to be a better person. Being a better person doesn't include making snap judgments to kill someone.
[Anger gives edge to her words.
There are already plenty of people helping, and people who aren't. She figures among the lot of them, they'll be able to get the information they need to. But deciding to take a life on the spot?
She's already seen people make that judgment call when they shouldn't have. And she's not going to accept it like this anymore.]
[ oda says this half-heartedly while eating. not because he doesn’t believe her (taking a human life is wrong, it always is) but because he didn’t really want to argue. ]
Well, I’m not going to apologize. Everything that I said then, I meant it. If you’re going to continue hating me, then go ahead.
"Things like these?" You mean people telling you not to kill someone?
[Her own voice is harsh.]
If you do something wrong, people will scold you. Even if you do something good, people might try to tell you you're wrong anyway. Do you know how hard it is, trying to do the right thing when everyone wants you to just... just let people die and be done with it?!
[As she talks, her voice raises.]
Maybe we'll be safer if some people die. They definitely can't be problems anymore if they're dead. But that's the easy way out, isn't it? You can just say, "they were dangerous, so I took care of it before they could do anything," and no one could prove you wrong.
[Somewhere along the way, this has become personal. It's easy enough to tell from how she speaks, a barely restrained anger.]
It's so much harder to convince people of the value of others. To show people that we are not monsters to be disposed of at the first sign of trouble.
[ oda lets her scold him, staring at his plate with a blank expression. maybe she’s getting through him or maybe not.
he notes that maybe this is some sort of personal subject for her. he understands it, somewhat—doing good has been infinite times more difficult than anything else in his life.
oda stays silent once she’s done, trying to ignore the pain in favor of keeping himself still. ]
I wasn’t referring to the rest of the group. Aside from a couple—and whats-his-name, I don’t have negative feelings towards any of you.
I just—[ he stops talking suddenly, shaking his head. ] Never mind. It’s over now.
[ oda pushes his plate away, preferring to stare away at his mug of coffee.
he talks quietly, in a robotic tone—as if trying to push his emotions down. ]
It had been a long time since I let myself get tricked like that. I told that man that I didn’t want to make friendships or relationships here to avoid... something like what happened last night.
[ ... ]
If I had been the other Oda Sakunosuke, I have no doubt that it would’ve been worse. From what Atsushi said, that man was his friend—so he would’ve been incredibly hurt by this. Far more than how I was.
[Because it is. Which is why she'll say with deliberate coolness:]
I was chosen to be eliminated... probably two or three times, growing up. Obviously they were prevented, but two of those times were only because someone spoke up for me.
That's how they maintain peace in the villages. As the children grow up, they observe them and look closely at their skills and behavior. If anyone doesn't meet their standards, they're eliminated.
In my case, I was nearly eliminated as a child because my cantus was late to manifest. The other two times were for behavior, though someone else in charge stepped in and scolded the ones who decided that as being too hasty.
[She sighs. She's not even really eating anymore, either.]
But she was too late to act. By then, one of my friends had already been marked unnecessarily, so he and my best friend decided to leave the villages for good.
[Something that pretty clearly still weighs on her, with the way her eyes narrow, expression melancholy.]
Quick judgments like that have already led to too many peoples' deaths where I'm from when they didn't need to. I don't want us to make a huge mistake by doing the exact same thing here.
[ when oda said that it was too good to be true, he didn’t know what to expect what the catch would be.
but when saki explains, it’s clear from his shocked expression that he did not expect something like this to be the root of her society. ]
I see. [ he gulps, looking troubled by the confession. ] Your world makes any dystopian novel pale in comparison.
[ ... ]
To kill for a selfish desire or to kill for the sake of “greater justice”—I’ve always thought the latter was the worse of the two evils. But I’m guessing that for you it must look and feel the same.
That's right. Even if we think of it as being for a greater justice, why does that mean that killing needs to be the first answer?
I want to try to find a different solution. I don't want to become the kind of person who decides who lives and dies before trying to find a way where everyone can live.
I can't... forgive the people who already put us through that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[That's the most important question here, really.]
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[ it’s only then when he looks uncomfortable, a shade or two paler than usual. the memory of his and moriarty’s conversation is enough to make him relive the fear of it. ]
But if something happens to him—I won’t help. Everything that ends up happening to him from now on, he’ll deserve it.
[ there’s a slight edge to his voice, tinged with anger and hurt alike. ]
no subject
[Her voice grows firm there.]
You told me you were trying to be a better person. Being a better person doesn't include making snap judgments to kill someone.
[Anger gives edge to her words.
There are already plenty of people helping, and people who aren't. She figures among the lot of them, they'll be able to get the information they need to. But deciding to take a life on the spot?
She's already seen people make that judgment call when they shouldn't have. And she's not going to accept it like this anymore.]
no subject
[ oda says this half-heartedly while eating. not because he doesn’t believe her (taking a human life is wrong, it always is) but because he didn’t really want to argue. ]
Well, I’m not going to apologize. Everything that I said then, I meant it. If you’re going to continue hating me, then go ahead.
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[She forks some food into her mouth a little more forcefully than is probably necessary for just... well, eating breakfast.]
no subject
[ with his gaze not leaving the plate, he simply moves his food around, not eating any. ]
If that’s what people think then that’s just how it is.
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Did you really want to be a better person, or not?
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Of course I do. But what’s the point if things like these are going to keep happening?
no subject
[Her own voice is harsh.]
If you do something wrong, people will scold you. Even if you do something good, people might try to tell you you're wrong anyway. Do you know how hard it is, trying to do the right thing when everyone wants you to just... just let people die and be done with it?!
[As she talks, her voice raises.]
Maybe we'll be safer if some people die. They definitely can't be problems anymore if they're dead. But that's the easy way out, isn't it? You can just say, "they were dangerous, so I took care of it before they could do anything," and no one could prove you wrong.
[Somewhere along the way, this has become personal. It's easy enough to tell from how she speaks, a barely restrained anger.]
It's so much harder to convince people of the value of others. To show people that we are not monsters to be disposed of at the first sign of trouble.
no subject
he notes that maybe this is some sort of personal subject for her. he understands it, somewhat—doing good has been infinite times more difficult than anything else in his life.
oda stays silent once she’s done, trying to ignore the pain in favor of keeping himself still. ]
I wasn’t referring to the rest of the group. Aside from a couple—and whats-his-name, I don’t have negative feelings towards any of you.
I just—[ he stops talking suddenly, shaking his head. ] Never mind. It’s over now.
no subject
Only what?
Don't just close yourself off again.
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[ oda pushes his plate away, preferring to stare away at his mug of coffee.
he talks quietly, in a robotic tone—as if trying to push his emotions down. ]
It had been a long time since I let myself get tricked like that. I told that man that I didn’t want to make friendships or relationships here to avoid... something like what happened last night.
[ ... ]
If I had been the other Oda Sakunosuke, I have no doubt that it would’ve been worse. From what Atsushi said, that man was his friend—so he would’ve been incredibly hurt by this. Far more than how I was.
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...Were you... betrayed badly in the past?
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Usually they were just clients. I would deal with them easily, and that would be it.
[ he doesn’t think that he needs to explain how he dealt with them, so... ]
I had actually begun to trust him. Isn’t that ridiculous?
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...I don't think it is. He...
[She trails off, ever mindful of the microphones.]
...I don't think we can trust him. ["Completely," she mouths in addition.] But I want to keep talking to him.
I know I have to be careful. I've been through... something a little similar before. But I still want to see if he can be reasoned with.
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[ but he’s frowning, clearly troubled with that decision. ]
But as long as I’m here, I can’t forgive him. He broke people’s trusts and I can’t forgive that.
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I'm used to my movements being analyzed.
[But she actually falls silent again for a moment.]
...I told you a little about my home, right? About how peaceful it is.
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[ he nods ]
Seemed a little too good to be true.
no subject
[Because it is. Which is why she'll say with deliberate coolness:]
I was chosen to be eliminated... probably two or three times, growing up. Obviously they were prevented, but two of those times were only because someone spoke up for me.
That's how they maintain peace in the villages. As the children grow up, they observe them and look closely at their skills and behavior. If anyone doesn't meet their standards, they're eliminated.
In my case, I was nearly eliminated as a child because my cantus was late to manifest. The other two times were for behavior, though someone else in charge stepped in and scolded the ones who decided that as being too hasty.
[She sighs. She's not even really eating anymore, either.]
But she was too late to act. By then, one of my friends had already been marked unnecessarily, so he and my best friend decided to leave the villages for good.
[Something that pretty clearly still weighs on her, with the way her eyes narrow, expression melancholy.]
Quick judgments like that have already led to too many peoples' deaths where I'm from when they didn't need to. I don't want us to make a huge mistake by doing the exact same thing here.
no subject
but when saki explains, it’s clear from his shocked expression that he did not expect something like this to be the root of her society. ]
I see. [ he gulps, looking troubled by the confession. ] Your world makes any dystopian novel pale in comparison.
[ ... ]
To kill for a selfish desire or to kill for the sake of “greater justice”—I’ve always thought the latter was the worse of the two evils. But I’m guessing that for you it must look and feel the same.
no subject
I want to try to find a different solution. I don't want to become the kind of person who decides who lives and dies before trying to find a way where everyone can live.
I can't... forgive the people who already put us through that.
no subject
[ he doesn’t agree with it completely, but he sees where she’s coming from. ]
If you think it’s possible to find a way for all of us to live, then maybe there is. But I’ll let you guys handle Dazai—I can’t face him alone again.
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[Not arguing there.]
Just... try not to act rashly, okay?
I don't want to lose you either, you know.