[ oda nods, continuing his rather dispassionate talk. ]
I don’t regret it. Those were the circumstances I was in and that was the thing I was best at. The prisons weren’t bad either, since it meant I had a roof over my head and at least two hot meals a day. If I regret every life I took, I probably would’ve killed myself long ago.
[ he shrugs ]
But that doesn’t mean I’m not trying to make up for it. Each life I took was valuable— I have to repay all that I took. I found a way to change jobs to something that saves people, I started an orphanage...I even began to write. But my hands are still drenched in red and those people are still dead, regardless of what I do in the future. So I guess that’s the answer to your question.
[Her gaze falls, a mixture of sad and thoughtful.]
You know, this isn't the first time someone here has confessed to murdering people in their past.
[It's so strange. She never would have guessed that one day, she would be getting to know... well, murderers so well. And yet...]
He's started trying to turn things around, I think. But he still takes care of himself.
[A pause, and then a soft, mirthless laugh.]
Sorry- it's actually a little unbelievable to me that I can listen to these kinds of things so calmly now. My world is so peaceful, a discussion like this would have been impossible.
I don’t think it should be normal to talk about this.
[ oda says this with a small half-smile. he only manages to talk so casually because it was his daily life, the same way that saki had her own, more peaceful one.
he’s a little envious of it, but it’s something he can deal with—oda knows better than to wish he could change the past. ]
You never told me about your world, though. Is it really that peaceful?
[But that's a bizarre thing to say, isn't it? So she offers a reason:]
We're taught from a young age to protect the villages with our lives. Even if it means sacrificing your life to stop a fiend... any danger must be kept away from everyone else at any cost.
The villages and their safety are everything to us, because it's all we have.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[She tucks her hands behind her casually, as one does when chatting.]
Is now a good time for it?
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[ he closes his book, setting it to the side. ]
Although I don’t really know if I can explain myself that well.
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[Is
Is that how writing works.]
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[ he does chuckle a little at that, before returning to his usual stoic expression. ]
Before I arrived at the Foundation, and before I joined the agency—when I was a kid—I was an assassin for hire.
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She does startle for a moment, but calms soon after. Somehow, this... isn't the first time she's heard of something like this.]
...Please continue.
tw casual suicide talk
[ oda nods, continuing his rather dispassionate talk. ]
I don’t regret it. Those were the circumstances I was in and that was the thing I was best at. The prisons weren’t bad either, since it meant I had a roof over my head and at least two hot meals a day. If I regret every life I took, I probably would’ve killed myself long ago.
[ he shrugs ]
But that doesn’t mean I’m not trying to make up for it. Each life I took was valuable— I have to repay all that I took. I found a way to change jobs to something that saves people, I started an orphanage...I even began to write. But my hands are still drenched in red and those people are still dead, regardless of what I do in the future. So I guess that’s the answer to your question.
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[Her gaze falls, a mixture of sad and thoughtful.]
You know, this isn't the first time someone here has confessed to murdering people in their past.
[It's so strange. She never would have guessed that one day, she would be getting to know... well, murderers so well. And yet...]
He's started trying to turn things around, I think. But he still takes care of himself.
[A pause, and then a soft, mirthless laugh.]
Sorry- it's actually a little unbelievable to me that I can listen to these kinds of things so calmly now. My world is so peaceful, a discussion like this would have been impossible.
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[ oda says this with a small half-smile. he only manages to talk so casually because it was his daily life, the same way that saki had her own, more peaceful one.
he’s a little envious of it, but it’s something he can deal with—oda knows better than to wish he could change the past. ]
You never told me about your world, though. Is it really that peaceful?
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It is. It wouldn't even occur to people in my home to think of purposefully hurting or killing another person.
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[ now that’s a surprise for oda. he actually looks at saki with wide eyes, like she had just grown a second head or something. ]
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[But that's a bizarre thing to say, isn't it? So she offers a reason:]
We're taught from a young age to protect the villages with our lives. Even if it means sacrificing your life to stop a fiend... any danger must be kept away from everyone else at any cost.
The villages and their safety are everything to us, because it's all we have.