[No doubt. She can still recall the way it felt like she was being stabbed in the chest, the way she felt as though she were being crushed by an incredible weight, robbing her of the ability to breathe.]
...I don't know. There's no way I could. My society never even let us consider the idea of a human attacking another human.
[Her trying to understand the mindset of a killer is probably about as impossible as it is for her to forget her brush with death feedback.]
Because he's afraid. He's afraid of being weak. He's afraid of dying because he can't protect himself. He would rather never reach his full potential than admit that his way of thinking was wrong, because if he's wrong then what's to stop him from dying from his mistakes?
You might not understand what it means to kill someone, but you can understand what it means to be afraid, yes?
I understand that fear. Enough people from home feel exactly like that.
I despise them. [Blunt. There's no love lost between Saki and the members of the Board of Education, who killed her dear friend, whose actions chased away two others.] But I understand.
[The fear of children that drives them to do such horrible things.]
Then you might understand why some of us close ourselves off from that empathy, rather than revel in it.
I beat that fear into my subordinate. He was weak, so I beat him until he got stronger. Strong enough to stop crying and to start challenging me. Strong enough to become a tool for the mafia, a tool for me to meet my own goals.
You will have to trust me when I say a despicable man who could do that can't feel empathy like you do, and doesn't understand your feelings at all. He understands why you might be afraid, why you might have been hurt, but not why you grew empathy from that.
[Her eyes narrow as he speaks. The thought is revolting, but in many ways, she's grown more accustomed to hearing such things, to seeing such things.
She won't fall to the ground from the revelation. Instead, she merely tenses.]
...Does being a despicable man mean you're allowed to do such things? Because you can't feel empathy, it doesn't matter how much pain you inflict on others?
[What a stupid reason to commit atrocities. Maybe she really will never understand the mind of a killer.]
You could change that so easily.
I don't know if you would learn to feel empathy. But regardless of if you could feel it or not, if you did good instead, you would no longer be despicable.
[Even if he hasn't actually experienced Odasaku's death yet, he sure did watch his own anime. He's familiar with that scene and just what was said, and how eerily similar Saki's words are.
Congrats Saki, you actually knocked him off-balance.]
Well, she does make note of it, but at this point she's too angry to dwell on it for long, because these are just empty excuses and she's not here for it.]
Isn't it the obvious solution? To stop being a bad person, all you have to do is do good things instead.
Or is it also impossible for you to be nice sometimes?
[He seems lost in thought there for a moment, like he's considering something important. But the moment passes, and he chuckles. Fortunately, this one seems a lot more genuine than anything he's done all day.]
I suppose it's no stranger than a member of the mafia who refuses to kill.
I'll have to think about it. They chose me because of how rotten of a person I am. If I start being nice, they'll just kill me and replace me. And as comforting as the embrace of the void might be, I doubt they would make it painless. And I hate pain.
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...I don't know. There's no way I could. My society never even let us consider the idea of a human attacking another human.
[Her trying to understand the mindset of a killer is probably about as impossible as it is for her to forget her brush with death feedback.]
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You might not understand what it means to kill someone, but you can understand what it means to be afraid, yes?
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She closes her eyes, releasing a breath.]
I understand that fear. Enough people from home feel exactly like that.
I despise them. [Blunt. There's no love lost between Saki and the members of the Board of Education, who killed her dear friend, whose actions chased away two others.] But I understand.
[The fear of children that drives them to do such horrible things.]
cw: child abuse
I beat that fear into my subordinate. He was weak, so I beat him until he got stronger. Strong enough to stop crying and to start challenging me. Strong enough to become a tool for the mafia, a tool for me to meet my own goals.
You will have to trust me when I say a despicable man who could do that can't feel empathy like you do, and doesn't understand your feelings at all. He understands why you might be afraid, why you might have been hurt, but not why you grew empathy from that.
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She won't fall to the ground from the revelation. Instead, she merely tenses.]
...Does being a despicable man mean you're allowed to do such things? Because you can't feel empathy, it doesn't matter how much pain you inflict on others?
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You could change that so easily.
I don't know if you would learn to feel empathy. But regardless of if you could feel it or not, if you did good instead, you would no longer be despicable.
1/2
Congrats Saki, you actually knocked him off-balance.]
2/2
Ah, you think so?
[It is definitely a filler question as he tries to recover from hearing those specific words.]
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Well, she does make note of it, but at this point she's too angry to dwell on it for long, because these are just empty excuses and she's not here for it.]
Isn't it the obvious solution? To stop being a bad person, all you have to do is do good things instead.
Or is it also impossible for you to be nice sometimes?
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[He seems lost in thought there for a moment, like he's considering something important. But the moment passes, and he chuckles. Fortunately, this one seems a lot more genuine than anything he's done all day.]
I suppose it's no stranger than a member of the mafia who refuses to kill.
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She's still wary, but she'll go ahead and venture a question:]
Are you actually going to give it a try?
cw: suicide ideation
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It's not an excuse, it's a 'we'll see'.
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...I can understand having to follow orders. Still, if you want to solve the problem of being a bad person, there's only one way to do it.
If you decide to keep doing bad things without trying to do anything different, it's an excuse.
[So don't let it become one.]
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[His dismissive attitude isn't promising.]
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If there's nothing else you can say to us right now, I suppose I'll leave it at that.
[For now.]
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Hey guess who earned himself a spite visit tomorrow? It's you. She's coming back.]