It's just been me and Mom for a while now. Back when I was born, there were four of us: Mom, Dad, my grandma, and me. But my grandma died when I was a baby, and my dad died several years ago.
Mom...doesn't really know about the Foundation stuff. She thinks I got a special scholarship to an exclusive prep school and that I'm in college now. I still write her letters, but it's hard, you know? Since I can't really tell her much of anything.
...I think she's lonely. She won't date anyone, even though I told her she should. And I can't exactly go home and check on her that much either.
[Dazai falls quiet there, and he leans into the hug. He's been trying to be tough and handle things on his own, but at the end of the day he's still only 19. This stuff is hard for him.]
...I feel like I must be too jaded by now. Just one death to maintain the peace is nothing, compared to what my society was willing to do to maintain peace.
It doesn't. But there were some cases where everyone would have died if it wasn't just one.
[She releases a shaky breath.]
...And you have no idea how much I hate saying that.
[She wishes so badly that it was unnecessary. But as things were, it was a sacrifice that couldn't be avoided without instead dooming all other humans who remained.]
I've lost... so many people because of that. And I hate knowing--
Shun. He couldn't be allowed to live. Even he realized that. He... accepted it long before I ever could.
[It's a halting explanation that doesn't actually explain much at all, but in spite of the twelve years that have passed, it's something that still hurts to remember. That she wasn't even allowed to recall the event until she came to this world in the first place didn't help whatsoever with gaining closure.]
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Is there anything you'd like to start with?
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[And it's completely genuine. There were hints before, but...
She wants to see the real person behind the mask, if he'll let her.]
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It's just been me and Mom for a while now. Back when I was born, there were four of us: Mom, Dad, my grandma, and me. But my grandma died when I was a baby, and my dad died several years ago.
Mom...doesn't really know about the Foundation stuff. She thinks I got a special scholarship to an exclusive prep school and that I'm in college now. I still write her letters, but it's hard, you know? Since I can't really tell her much of anything.
...I think she's lonely. She won't date anyone, even though I told her she should. And I can't exactly go home and check on her that much either.
...
It's going to crush her, if I do die here.
[Wow, this turned dark fast.]
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...So the person you miss is actually...
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[He's dead. No chance of visiting him at all.]
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Can she give him another hug?]
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What's all this about, huh? I'm alright.
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[It's a gentle enough hug for now, but...
After everything he's gone through for them - and because of them - he's more than earned one.]
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My own mother must have worried countless times for me. I kept getting in so much trouble...
[So many times, she came so close to death. Even though it's been years, she still remembers the agony in her mother's voice:
"I don't want to lose another child!"]
I want to make sure you see her again.
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He's holding onto her a bit more tightly now.]
I. I want to see her again.
[A hard thing to admit when you've been so sure of your own death, really.]
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So, she holds him tighter in turn, murmuring:]
I'll do whatever I can. She shouldn't lose her kind and precious son. Not like this.
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[Since he. Genuinely feels bad about everything he's had to do here.]
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You don't think that putting your life on the line for us when you don't even have to is kind?
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[Does the end really justify the means, basically.]
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At what point does the price become too much?]
Like what?
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...I feel like I must be too jaded by now. Just one death to maintain the peace is nothing, compared to what my society was willing to do to maintain peace.
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[She releases a shaky breath.]
...And you have no idea how much I hate saying that.
[She wishes so badly that it was unnecessary. But as things were, it was a sacrifice that couldn't be avoided without instead dooming all other humans who remained.]
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[He knows some sacrifices have to be made, but that doesn't mean he has to like it. Or that he can't be very picky about the sacrifices being made.]
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I've lost... so many people because of that. And I hate knowing--
Shun. He couldn't be allowed to live. Even he realized that. He... accepted it long before I ever could.
[It's a halting explanation that doesn't actually explain much at all, but in spite of the twelve years that have passed, it's something that still hurts to remember. That she wasn't even allowed to recall the event until she came to this world in the first place didn't help whatsoever with gaining closure.]
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Dazai doesn't even ask, he'll just go in for another hug. But this time, he's the one aiming to comfort her.]
It's not fair, when something like that happens. Even if the conclusion is inevitable, it still isn't fair.
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